(Written January 31, 2012- for the protection of this individual, her name has been changed.)
I just returned from a quick trip to Haiti with Real Life Christian Church- my home church in Orlando. We were in Morriseau, Haiti for 4 days and then they flew back to Orlando. I, however, couldn’t go to Haiti without going to visit my dear family in Grand Goave at Lifeline. I was only going to be there 4 days, but I had so many people I wanted to see. I knew the moment I had to say hello to a dear friend, might be the time I would also have to say goodbye with my time there being so limited. One person I was hoping to see was Marie, the beautiful girl I met in 2010 who touched my heart.
I saw Marie yesterday- the first time since I left August of 2010. Earlier in the day I had complained of my frustrations with being able to speak Creole but struggling to hear it. But for that hour I talked with Marie, I barely spoke; I listened, and I heard almost every word. God opened my ears. I could see the heaviness on her heart because I could see the pain in her eyes; the tears were just millimeters from falling out and rolling down her cheeks.
The twenty-year-old was wearing a denim skirt with a sun yellow tank top with knitted sleeves. Marie is in her last year of secondary school (equivalent to our high school) and hopes to go to college for communications or something in the business field. But her real dream - to be a singer. And with her voice, she could. She has one younger brother and has been raised her whole life by her mother who is her closest friend. Her father has always been absent from her life, in part because of his “maladi nan tet” (sickness in his head). (Two days after this conversation, I was walking through Grand Goave and a friend pointed out a man sitting across the street. I know the majority of Haitians have nothing and many are homeless, but this man looked like even in the culture of Haiti, he would be considered the homeless town crazy. Then my friend told me he was Marie’s father.) She is such a beautiful girl, but there is no glow in her eye; only pain and years of hurt and loneliness. She has felt abandoned and alone.
I’d love to tell you she has many great girlfriends to support and encourage her, or even just one, but I can’t. The friends she does have, have always been boys. She began to tell me about her desire to have a boyfriend. She didn’t have to say it in so many words, but her desire stems from an emptiness and loneliness inside- this void. But the boys in Haiti, “They’re not good boys,” she said. They like the girls from the U.S., Canada, Europe- the “blans”. And those girls have the nice things, the sensual dresses, the pretty sandals, cars, and money. But Marie’s not that girl. Maybe not because she doesn’t want to be, because I think a part of her does want to be- if it means earning a little more attention in hopes of filling that void, then to her, it might be worth it. But she’s not that girl because those girls have money, and that’s one more thing that’s missing in her life.
I told her I understood. And I do. There are Friday nights that pass when I wish I wasn’t alone, when I wish I had someone there. I want that fellowship and friendship. I also want to love someone and have that someone love me back. But I know that that time will come, but not in my timing, in God’s. I told her that the boy she finds some day needs to be a great guy. Not a guy, but a man. A man that will first love the Lord, and then, will love her. It’s like a triangle. God is at the top, and the man and woman form the two points of the base. If the man and woman individually are seeking the Lord and keeping Him first, then as they draw closer to God, they will naturally become closer as a couple. But if before the Lord, is each other, they will only stay on the base line of the triangle and God will be forgotten, and their relationship will suffer.
I think she liked that whole thinking, but I think it also made her think it was too late because she’d already messed up. She had a secret; she’d gone too far already with a guy. But then, he moved to Port au Prince and left her- left her alone and overwhelmed with guilt, more pain, more loneliness, and a void that had grown in size. The closest person in her life she could share her dark, painful secret with- her mother. But that would hurt her mother too much. So other than me, she’s only told one other person- a guy friend from school.
Maybe she should go be a nun. There aren’t any guys worth hoping for, so that seemed like a good option to her, an easy option, a safe option. She knows God has forgiven her, but I don’t think she knows how to forgive herself. She hasn’t been to church regularly in a while now either.
I’d love to tell you there’s a happy ending to our conversation, but at this point, there isn’t. After an hour of talking, we both had to leave, so I prayed for her. I told her how much I loved her but that God loved her so much more. She cut me off as she said, “Sarah, I know, I know.” I think she does know, but I’m not convinced she believes it.
“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.” Psalms 25:16-18
I’m praying for you dear friend. I love you so much and pray that you will soon allow Jesus to fill that void. He’s the only One who can.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
PeterLee
(Written on 2/2/2012)
On the walk back to Lifeline from visiting Mykenlove’s house, I got another surprise I had so hoped for but had given up in my head because of the time- getting to see PeterLee- the 18 year old boy (now 20) who I worked with all summer in 2010 in therapy after the quake. When Dr. Bill saw him right after the quake, he wrote him off as dead after being found buried alive for two days in a huge building in Grand Goave that had collapsed. By the time I met him five months later, it was an absolute miracle he had survived, but he couldn’t walk on his own. Throughout the summer though, he was a daily miracle as he gradually got stronger and began to walk again. By the end of the summer, he couldn’t stand because his balance was bad, but he could finally walk by himself! But yesterday, for 30 minutes, God blew me away speechless with what I witnessed...
I saw him up off in the distance on a street corner, and our eyes met at the same time! There he was, standing on his own! I couldn’t believe it! The word “miracle” almost seemed like an understatement for where he is today. I ran up to him to hug him; he looked amazing! “I’m so happy to see you!” I said. “How are you?”
With the biggest smile he said, “Sarah, I walk well, I run, and I play fútbol (soccer) now again.”
WHAT!?!?!?!! Are you kidding me?! “PeterLee, you are a miracle!!” I was astounded and speechless! Since I was still with a team of “blans” (white missionaries), we had to keep walking back toward Lifeline, so I asked him if he could walk with us, and so he did for our remaining good half mile walk. As we started to walk, he looked down at his shirt and brushed it off and half ashamedly said to me, “I’m dirty because I was working.”
“You’re working?!?!? WHAT?!?!” Joys of laughter poured out of me.
“Well, it’s not for money, but just to help my dad.”
“But, PeterLee, that doesn’t matter! You’re capable of working! You thought you would never walk normal again, but now you’re working!” Having the ability to work means that this young man has the skills to be able to provide for himself someday; a man who should have died and when he didn’t, he should have been critically crippled the rest of this life. But now, he’s capable of working!
We walked and talked down the streets of Grand Goave, neither of us able to stop smiling. I asked how JeanEllie, his younger brother who was also injured though not nearly to the extent of PeterLee and trapped in the same building, was doing. “He’s doing well,” PeterLee told me. “He’s as tall as you now.”
We continued walking and I had to ask again, “You can run?”
“Yes,” he said with a smile.”
“PeterLee, run!”
He chuckled, “No.”
“Yes, PeterLee, I have to see you run!” He laughed and shook his head again. “C’mon, I’ll run with you!” I grabbed his hand and pretty much pulled him, and off we ran for twenty yards. Again, I burst forth laughter of joy and praise to our great God!
I stopped and looked at him in the eye and said, “PeterLee, do you realize, do you really understand the living miracle that you are?! You shouldn’t be here today. You shouldn’t have made it, but God saved you! You’re a walking miracle and you have to share your story with everyone. You have to tell everyone about what God has done in your life! I don’t know why God chose to save you, but He did, and so you need to honor Him with the rest of your life by giving your life back to Him, by serving Him and telling everyone what He’s done for you!”
“Sarah, I can’t thank you enough…”
“No, this,” as I pointed to him, “is not me. I had nothing to do with you. How you are today is so much bigger than anything I ever could have done!”
“I know, but I mean, after God, it’s because of you.”
“PeterLee, you need to tell people your story. But when you do, I don’t want you to even say my name because this is all God’s doing, and He needs all the honor and glory for His miraculous work in your life!”
We continued to walk on, in utter delight of seeing one another. I couldn’t cease to be in complete awe and amazement of this living miracle of God walking beside me. We got to Lifeline’s gate and I had to say goodbye. I gave him a hug and told him I had no words for how happy I was to see him. He looked in my eyes and with all sincerity said, “I will never forget you.
You will always be in my heart.”
...Lord, “Thank you,”? Those words don’t do it. “Miraculous”? That’s not it either. YHWH- the letters the Israelites used for the name of the LORD because His name was too great to say and they were too unworthy. I have no words. YHWH.
On the walk back to Lifeline from visiting Mykenlove’s house, I got another surprise I had so hoped for but had given up in my head because of the time- getting to see PeterLee- the 18 year old boy (now 20) who I worked with all summer in 2010 in therapy after the quake. When Dr. Bill saw him right after the quake, he wrote him off as dead after being found buried alive for two days in a huge building in Grand Goave that had collapsed. By the time I met him five months later, it was an absolute miracle he had survived, but he couldn’t walk on his own. Throughout the summer though, he was a daily miracle as he gradually got stronger and began to walk again. By the end of the summer, he couldn’t stand because his balance was bad, but he could finally walk by himself! But yesterday, for 30 minutes, God blew me away speechless with what I witnessed...
I saw him up off in the distance on a street corner, and our eyes met at the same time! There he was, standing on his own! I couldn’t believe it! The word “miracle” almost seemed like an understatement for where he is today. I ran up to him to hug him; he looked amazing! “I’m so happy to see you!” I said. “How are you?”
With the biggest smile he said, “Sarah, I walk well, I run, and I play fútbol (soccer) now again.”
WHAT!?!?!?!! Are you kidding me?! “PeterLee, you are a miracle!!” I was astounded and speechless! Since I was still with a team of “blans” (white missionaries), we had to keep walking back toward Lifeline, so I asked him if he could walk with us, and so he did for our remaining good half mile walk. As we started to walk, he looked down at his shirt and brushed it off and half ashamedly said to me, “I’m dirty because I was working.”
“You’re working?!?!? WHAT?!?!” Joys of laughter poured out of me.
“Well, it’s not for money, but just to help my dad.”
“But, PeterLee, that doesn’t matter! You’re capable of working! You thought you would never walk normal again, but now you’re working!” Having the ability to work means that this young man has the skills to be able to provide for himself someday; a man who should have died and when he didn’t, he should have been critically crippled the rest of this life. But now, he’s capable of working!
We walked and talked down the streets of Grand Goave, neither of us able to stop smiling. I asked how JeanEllie, his younger brother who was also injured though not nearly to the extent of PeterLee and trapped in the same building, was doing. “He’s doing well,” PeterLee told me. “He’s as tall as you now.”
We continued walking and I had to ask again, “You can run?”
“Yes,” he said with a smile.”
“PeterLee, run!”
He chuckled, “No.”
“Yes, PeterLee, I have to see you run!” He laughed and shook his head again. “C’mon, I’ll run with you!” I grabbed his hand and pretty much pulled him, and off we ran for twenty yards. Again, I burst forth laughter of joy and praise to our great God!
I stopped and looked at him in the eye and said, “PeterLee, do you realize, do you really understand the living miracle that you are?! You shouldn’t be here today. You shouldn’t have made it, but God saved you! You’re a walking miracle and you have to share your story with everyone. You have to tell everyone about what God has done in your life! I don’t know why God chose to save you, but He did, and so you need to honor Him with the rest of your life by giving your life back to Him, by serving Him and telling everyone what He’s done for you!”
“Sarah, I can’t thank you enough…”
“No, this,” as I pointed to him, “is not me. I had nothing to do with you. How you are today is so much bigger than anything I ever could have done!”
“I know, but I mean, after God, it’s because of you.”
“PeterLee, you need to tell people your story. But when you do, I don’t want you to even say my name because this is all God’s doing, and He needs all the honor and glory for His miraculous work in your life!”
We continued to walk on, in utter delight of seeing one another. I couldn’t cease to be in complete awe and amazement of this living miracle of God walking beside me. We got to Lifeline’s gate and I had to say goodbye. I gave him a hug and told him I had no words for how happy I was to see him. He looked in my eyes and with all sincerity said, “I will never forget you.
You will always be in my heart.”
...Lord, “Thank you,”? Those words don’t do it. “Miraculous”? That’s not it either. YHWH- the letters the Israelites used for the name of the LORD because His name was too great to say and they were too unworthy. I have no words. YHWH.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Longing for home
I began a Beth Moore Bible study this past January that just ended in April. The study was through the book of Revelation. In one of the last lessons, Beth asked, “Have you ever longed to return to a place, a geographical, physical place? A place that is familiar with things and places you know? A place where your family or friends are?”
“YES, YES!!” I shouted to myself, “Yes, I want to go there!!!”
“And then have you ever noticed, that if you’ve returned to that place, after a while of being there, you realize that deep longing you have for home is still there? And it doesn’t make sense because everything you longed for is now right there in front of you. But, I think,” Beth continued, “what we are all really longing for is not a physical home, but our heavenly home with our Lord Jesus Christ.”
I had never thought of that before, but I knew it was true, because I’ve had similar experiences in my life before. When people ask if I like Florida, my response is, “Yes, I do like it here, but I miss Wisconsin and the beauty of the state, but most of all, I miss people- my family and friends SO much.” And it’s true, but the longing that I have that is so deep inside of me for home, I’m pretty sure wouldn’t be fulfilled if those people of home were near me. At first, yes, they would fulfill, but after a couple weeks and life going back to normal after the reunion, I know I would still find myself longing.
Never in my life before have I ever experienced this longing for so long that is so deep. I don’t even know how to put words to it. I am just so needy for Jesus. When I get “homesick”, it usually hits me out of nowhere on the weekends when I’m not on the go and have time to think. I’ll be fine one moment, and the next, tears will come. And in those moments, I tell Jesus that I still love and trust Him, more than ever, but I’m just reminded of all that He has blessed me with at home, and I miss those blessings. It’s weird, but I experience His peace that transcends all understanding simultaneously as I experience this deep sadness and longing for people. Sometimes I get those feelings confused with thinking that I’m longing for a husband so that I could be married and daily have someone by my side who will not leave me. But in those moments, I have to remind myself, that none of those people could ever fulfill me. Only Jesus can fulfill me because He’s the only and everything that can fill.
All of this theory and hypothesis by Beth Moore was proved true a couple weeks ago. My mom came to visit me Mother’s Day weekend. We had SO much fun, and I loved every moment and now miss every moment. But that Sunday we were sitting in church; at the end of the message as we entered communion time, the tears came again- out of nowhere. And I was so confused. Usually when that happens, it’s because I think about how much I miss my dad, mom, brother, friends; but this time, my mom was sitting right next to me, so how could I miss her? I realized, I wasn’t longing for my mom; I was longing for Jesus. Eternity is set in my heart, and I’m longing for home.
“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country…for he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God…
…All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:8-16
“YES, YES!!” I shouted to myself, “Yes, I want to go there!!!”
“And then have you ever noticed, that if you’ve returned to that place, after a while of being there, you realize that deep longing you have for home is still there? And it doesn’t make sense because everything you longed for is now right there in front of you. But, I think,” Beth continued, “what we are all really longing for is not a physical home, but our heavenly home with our Lord Jesus Christ.”
I had never thought of that before, but I knew it was true, because I’ve had similar experiences in my life before. When people ask if I like Florida, my response is, “Yes, I do like it here, but I miss Wisconsin and the beauty of the state, but most of all, I miss people- my family and friends SO much.” And it’s true, but the longing that I have that is so deep inside of me for home, I’m pretty sure wouldn’t be fulfilled if those people of home were near me. At first, yes, they would fulfill, but after a couple weeks and life going back to normal after the reunion, I know I would still find myself longing.
Never in my life before have I ever experienced this longing for so long that is so deep. I don’t even know how to put words to it. I am just so needy for Jesus. When I get “homesick”, it usually hits me out of nowhere on the weekends when I’m not on the go and have time to think. I’ll be fine one moment, and the next, tears will come. And in those moments, I tell Jesus that I still love and trust Him, more than ever, but I’m just reminded of all that He has blessed me with at home, and I miss those blessings. It’s weird, but I experience His peace that transcends all understanding simultaneously as I experience this deep sadness and longing for people. Sometimes I get those feelings confused with thinking that I’m longing for a husband so that I could be married and daily have someone by my side who will not leave me. But in those moments, I have to remind myself, that none of those people could ever fulfill me. Only Jesus can fulfill me because He’s the only and everything that can fill.
All of this theory and hypothesis by Beth Moore was proved true a couple weeks ago. My mom came to visit me Mother’s Day weekend. We had SO much fun, and I loved every moment and now miss every moment. But that Sunday we were sitting in church; at the end of the message as we entered communion time, the tears came again- out of nowhere. And I was so confused. Usually when that happens, it’s because I think about how much I miss my dad, mom, brother, friends; but this time, my mom was sitting right next to me, so how could I miss her? I realized, I wasn’t longing for my mom; I was longing for Jesus. Eternity is set in my heart, and I’m longing for home.
“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country…for he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God…
…All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:8-16
Saturday, November 20, 2010
The peace that transcends all understanding
Whenever I talk to people about how I’m doing, they ask if I’m homesick. My response is, yes, I miss the people at home so much. I think about everyone all the time and can’t wait to see everyone again. But even though I miss them, there’s this peace that I have about being here in Orlando that is totally separate from my sadness of not seeing the people I miss at home. It’s like, I can have a longing for people, but simultaneously have this joy. I’ve had a lot of thoughts swarming through my head, and I’m not sure how many conclusions I’ve come to, but I want to share them anyway.
I think it could be easy for Christians to look at my life and think, “It’s so simple for Sarah. God is blessing her in so many ways, everything is falling into place perfectly, she’s filled with joy, and there’re no hard times. God, I trust You. I’m trying to be faithful. Why am I struggling so much with discerning Your will and seeing the good and everything turning out for the best like us Christians always preach?”
To this question, I don’t have any conclusions. I don’t believe that our God is one of golden stars or stickers. I mean, I don’t think His thoughts are: “She did something good; one golden star for her. 9 more to go, and she will have another blessing!” And I’m not about to say that being married or having a family holds you back from living in God’s will.
But for myself, this is what I do know, and I’m trying to piece it together. I’m not married and don’t have a family (don’t be offended Mom, Dad, and Josh; just stick with me). I don’t have to worry about other people in the decisions I make (I don’t mean that in a selfish way, but in an “ability to serve God” kind-of-way). I know the passions God has placed on my heart, and when a door of opportunity has opened, I haven’t had to think about how it will affect my husband’s job or where my kids will go to school. I mean, I applied for this job, was offered the position, and moved across the country to Orlando and started working within three weeks. It’s definitely a desire of mine to get married some day, but I know it will happen in, yes, “God’s perfect timing” and so until that day comes, I’m determined to keep seeking Him daily.
But the other thing that I believe has made the biggest difference has been moving past just, seeking God. Over the past four years at Northwestern, God continued to teach me over and over about His faithfulness. It has been the theme of my college years and especially this year. Back in January, it was my desire to be in Physical Therapy school this fall; I spent three years preparing for it. But I got to a point in February, where I knelt on my bedroom floor in my Northwestern apartment one Saturday morning and prayed, “Lord, I desire Your heart, not mine. Whatever happens is okay with me. I can let go of my desires because I know that Your plans for me are far better than I could ever plan for myself. So take my life, all of it.”
Then I went to Haiti this summer. It was incredible! But towards the end of the summer, I began to realize that I would soon be re-entering the United States where I wouldn’t be going back to school. I had no idea what would happen. So one night on my bed I was praying. The words that were screaming in my heart came out expressed to the lyrics of Chris Tomlin’s song, “Take My Life.” (Chorus: “Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it's all for Thee.” Look up the verses too- so good!) That song became my theme song. The day after I got back from Haiti, I went on a run and remember praying, “God, this is the first day of I have absolutely no idea what’s next. ‘Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it’s all for Thee.’” One month later, I moved to Orlando.
I know that throughout this year, as I’ve prayed that prayer to God, I have fully, completely, given Him my life- my whole life, holding nothing back. I didn’t want to keep any part of it for myself. And so now, here I am. He up and took me across the country by myself to an unknown territory where I knew one person. At first, I told people I was scared. But then, I realized I wasn’t scared. I knew everything would be okay because I knew the One who was taking me. Was it hard to say goodbye? Most definitely! I cried every day from the time I got offered the job to the time I moved down here. But they weren’t tears of fear. They were tears of sadness knowing that I was having to say goodbye, at least for a little while, to the people that God had put in my life over the past 22 years to so richly bless me.
And so, now I’m here. And yes, I still miss all of you more than you could understand. But those feelings of sadness are so separate from the peace I have about being here. Everyday, God makes it so evident that this is where He has put me and where I need to be. Because of that, I have experienced this “peace that transcends all understanding” that Paul talks about in Philippians 4:7.
And so this is the thought I’ve been pondering (it’s not biblical, just Sarahicle): In order for us to experience the peace that transcends all understanding, we need to give God our whole life, all of us, because it’s all for Him, holding absolutely nothing back. Because I think if there would have been one speck of something I was too afraid to give Him, one thing I would have held back and not laid down before Him, I’m pretty sure that one thing, no matter how minute, would have blocked me from experiencing that complete peace.
And so this is my continued prayer for myself and for you: “Do NOT be anxious about anything, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, PRESENT your requests TO GOD. And the PEACE of God, which TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus,” Philippians 4:6-7.
I think it could be easy for Christians to look at my life and think, “It’s so simple for Sarah. God is blessing her in so many ways, everything is falling into place perfectly, she’s filled with joy, and there’re no hard times. God, I trust You. I’m trying to be faithful. Why am I struggling so much with discerning Your will and seeing the good and everything turning out for the best like us Christians always preach?”
To this question, I don’t have any conclusions. I don’t believe that our God is one of golden stars or stickers. I mean, I don’t think His thoughts are: “She did something good; one golden star for her. 9 more to go, and she will have another blessing!” And I’m not about to say that being married or having a family holds you back from living in God’s will.
But for myself, this is what I do know, and I’m trying to piece it together. I’m not married and don’t have a family (don’t be offended Mom, Dad, and Josh; just stick with me). I don’t have to worry about other people in the decisions I make (I don’t mean that in a selfish way, but in an “ability to serve God” kind-of-way). I know the passions God has placed on my heart, and when a door of opportunity has opened, I haven’t had to think about how it will affect my husband’s job or where my kids will go to school. I mean, I applied for this job, was offered the position, and moved across the country to Orlando and started working within three weeks. It’s definitely a desire of mine to get married some day, but I know it will happen in, yes, “God’s perfect timing” and so until that day comes, I’m determined to keep seeking Him daily.
But the other thing that I believe has made the biggest difference has been moving past just, seeking God. Over the past four years at Northwestern, God continued to teach me over and over about His faithfulness. It has been the theme of my college years and especially this year. Back in January, it was my desire to be in Physical Therapy school this fall; I spent three years preparing for it. But I got to a point in February, where I knelt on my bedroom floor in my Northwestern apartment one Saturday morning and prayed, “Lord, I desire Your heart, not mine. Whatever happens is okay with me. I can let go of my desires because I know that Your plans for me are far better than I could ever plan for myself. So take my life, all of it.”
Then I went to Haiti this summer. It was incredible! But towards the end of the summer, I began to realize that I would soon be re-entering the United States where I wouldn’t be going back to school. I had no idea what would happen. So one night on my bed I was praying. The words that were screaming in my heart came out expressed to the lyrics of Chris Tomlin’s song, “Take My Life.” (Chorus: “Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it's all for Thee.” Look up the verses too- so good!) That song became my theme song. The day after I got back from Haiti, I went on a run and remember praying, “God, this is the first day of I have absolutely no idea what’s next. ‘Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it’s all for Thee.’” One month later, I moved to Orlando.
I know that throughout this year, as I’ve prayed that prayer to God, I have fully, completely, given Him my life- my whole life, holding nothing back. I didn’t want to keep any part of it for myself. And so now, here I am. He up and took me across the country by myself to an unknown territory where I knew one person. At first, I told people I was scared. But then, I realized I wasn’t scared. I knew everything would be okay because I knew the One who was taking me. Was it hard to say goodbye? Most definitely! I cried every day from the time I got offered the job to the time I moved down here. But they weren’t tears of fear. They were tears of sadness knowing that I was having to say goodbye, at least for a little while, to the people that God had put in my life over the past 22 years to so richly bless me.
And so, now I’m here. And yes, I still miss all of you more than you could understand. But those feelings of sadness are so separate from the peace I have about being here. Everyday, God makes it so evident that this is where He has put me and where I need to be. Because of that, I have experienced this “peace that transcends all understanding” that Paul talks about in Philippians 4:7.
And so this is the thought I’ve been pondering (it’s not biblical, just Sarahicle): In order for us to experience the peace that transcends all understanding, we need to give God our whole life, all of us, because it’s all for Him, holding absolutely nothing back. Because I think if there would have been one speck of something I was too afraid to give Him, one thing I would have held back and not laid down before Him, I’m pretty sure that one thing, no matter how minute, would have blocked me from experiencing that complete peace.
And so this is my continued prayer for myself and for you: “Do NOT be anxious about anything, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, PRESENT your requests TO GOD. And the PEACE of God, which TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus,” Philippians 4:6-7.
A lot of funny things happen in language translation
So at work, I speak Creole about ¼ of my day and am constantly trying to learn more and speak and understand it better. But, whenever you are learning a language, funny things tend to happen. Here’s one from yesterday:
There are a lot of low back pain issues and for a lot of people, simply stretching the correct muscles will do a lot of good and take a lot of pain away. So the other day I was stretching a Haitian woman’s hamstrings (muscle group on back side of your legs). To give you a visual, she was lying on her back on our treatment table with one leg up in the air. I was kneeling on the table facing her with her elevated leg against my shoulder so I could lean against her to stretch it. The stretch I do is one in which I lean against her to stretch the muscle, then I have her push against my shoulder so that muscle is contracting, then she relaxes and I push, etc. So when I have her push against me, I usually say, “Peze mwen,” which means “press me” or more typically, I say, “Puse mwen, puse mwen,” which means “push me, push me.” After I said this repeatedly, she and another Haitian woman in the room had a little conversation going between them and were laughing. I said, “What, am I saying it wrong?”
Laughing, they said, “No, but it’s funny when you say, ‘Puse, puse,’ because that’s what you say to a woman when she’s in labor and you want her to push.” Haha. I assured them no babies were going to be born in our training room. They assured me I could continue to use that phrase, but I’m also sure if I do, they’ll continue to laugh.
There are a lot of low back pain issues and for a lot of people, simply stretching the correct muscles will do a lot of good and take a lot of pain away. So the other day I was stretching a Haitian woman’s hamstrings (muscle group on back side of your legs). To give you a visual, she was lying on her back on our treatment table with one leg up in the air. I was kneeling on the table facing her with her elevated leg against my shoulder so I could lean against her to stretch it. The stretch I do is one in which I lean against her to stretch the muscle, then I have her push against my shoulder so that muscle is contracting, then she relaxes and I push, etc. So when I have her push against me, I usually say, “Peze mwen,” which means “press me” or more typically, I say, “Puse mwen, puse mwen,” which means “push me, push me.” After I said this repeatedly, she and another Haitian woman in the room had a little conversation going between them and were laughing. I said, “What, am I saying it wrong?”
Laughing, they said, “No, but it’s funny when you say, ‘Puse, puse,’ because that’s what you say to a woman when she’s in labor and you want her to push.” Haha. I assured them no babies were going to be born in our training room. They assured me I could continue to use that phrase, but I’m also sure if I do, they’ll continue to laugh.
Friday, November 19, 2010
What are the chances? I guess with God, pretty good
June 17, 2009, I was on American Airlines in Port au Prince ready to fly back home to Wisconsin after spending 3 weeks in Haiti interning with Lifeline Christian Mission. I was flying by myself, but the Lord put this sweet Haitian lady in the seat next to me. My Creole wasn’t the best, but I prayed God would give me an opportunity to reach out to this woman, and so I said, “Hello, how are you?” in Creole. It was definitely one of those moments where God opened my ears and mouth to understand and speak Creole better than I normally could. After learning that she’s lived in the U.S. for nine years and was home visiting Haiti, has a son who lives in Boston, and was flying back home to Florida, she handed me her ID, passport, and green customs/immigration form for me to help her fill out. I figured she didn’t read or write, and so I read the form to her and helped her fill the whole thing out. I remember this distinctly because I praised God for the opportunity and prayed that He used me to bless and love this woman.
This morning at work, I walked out of my room, and this Haitian woman approached me. She told me that she knew me and asked if I knew her. She went on to explain to me that she thought I was the girl that sat next to her on an American Airlines flight from Haiti to Miami a year ago and helped her fill out her form! WHAT?!?!?! I laughed because I was speechless and in so much shock and awe of our GOOD God. We shared our memory of the moment from our perspectives and sure enough, this was the woman who’s lived in the U.S. for, now, ten years, and handed me her customs/immigration form so that I could help her fill it out!!!! Together, we laughed, hugged, and praised God together.
Oh, LORD, how good and wonderful are Your ways and Your diving timing! Thank You for confirming, once again, that this is indeed where you want me and have placed me! To You be ALL the glory! May Your name be exalted and lifted up, and may the world come to know Your love and the joy You give as I have been blessed to know!
This morning at work, I walked out of my room, and this Haitian woman approached me. She told me that she knew me and asked if I knew her. She went on to explain to me that she thought I was the girl that sat next to her on an American Airlines flight from Haiti to Miami a year ago and helped her fill out her form! WHAT?!?!?! I laughed because I was speechless and in so much shock and awe of our GOOD God. We shared our memory of the moment from our perspectives and sure enough, this was the woman who’s lived in the U.S. for, now, ten years, and handed me her customs/immigration form so that I could help her fill it out!!!! Together, we laughed, hugged, and praised God together.
Oh, LORD, how good and wonderful are Your ways and Your diving timing! Thank You for confirming, once again, that this is indeed where you want me and have placed me! To You be ALL the glory! May Your name be exalted and lifted up, and may the world come to know Your love and the joy You give as I have been blessed to know!
Lessons from Rosa
I have a friend, Rosa, who works in the custodial department. Rosa is my Gospel-singing, Jesus-loving, “I’m gonna tell you about HIM,” sister! I asked her today, since she’s worked for Disney for many years, the lines between work and Disney policies and being a Christian. She didn’t hesitate in her response and gave me the best sermon I’ve heard since last Sunday! She reminded me of a wonderful story in the Bible (Luke 15:3-7), “The parable of the lost sheep.” When one sheep out of a hundred strays away, the Good Shepherd will leave the ninety-nine to go find the one that’s lost and joyfully bring it home.
In our society, we talk about drug attics, alcoholics, and label people by their addiction or lifestyle. But as Christians, we shouldn’t look at them and call them with those titles as the world does. Instead, we need to look at each of those individuals and see a lost sheep. Unlike Cain in Genesis 4:9, we need to be our brother’s keeper, go find them, love them, look after them, and lead them back home to our Shepherd. We can’t hide from the Lord. He knows where we are at all times, and He will come searching for us. And He will knock on the door of our heart. But He’s not going to make us open it and invite Him in. He wants to pick us up, put us on his shoulder and carry us back home where He can call everyone together to throw a party for us and rejoice in our homecoming (Luke 15:5-6). But He’s only going to do that if we allow Him too.
As Christians, we’ve had that party thrown for us. We know the goodness of it, and the joy and blessing it is. How selfish it is for us to not extend that invitation out to the lost sheep in our world, to be our brother’s keeper. If you (if I) call ourselves Christians, then for goodness sake, let’s live like it! The world where God has placed us is our mission field! Look at it! We live in it, and here, we will find lost sheep all around us. Let’s bring them home for a homecoming party!
In our society, we talk about drug attics, alcoholics, and label people by their addiction or lifestyle. But as Christians, we shouldn’t look at them and call them with those titles as the world does. Instead, we need to look at each of those individuals and see a lost sheep. Unlike Cain in Genesis 4:9, we need to be our brother’s keeper, go find them, love them, look after them, and lead them back home to our Shepherd. We can’t hide from the Lord. He knows where we are at all times, and He will come searching for us. And He will knock on the door of our heart. But He’s not going to make us open it and invite Him in. He wants to pick us up, put us on his shoulder and carry us back home where He can call everyone together to throw a party for us and rejoice in our homecoming (Luke 15:5-6). But He’s only going to do that if we allow Him too.
As Christians, we’ve had that party thrown for us. We know the goodness of it, and the joy and blessing it is. How selfish it is for us to not extend that invitation out to the lost sheep in our world, to be our brother’s keeper. If you (if I) call ourselves Christians, then for goodness sake, let’s live like it! The world where God has placed us is our mission field! Look at it! We live in it, and here, we will find lost sheep all around us. Let’s bring them home for a homecoming party!
My first Haitian church service...in the U.S.A.
I met a Haitian woman at work who invited me to go to church with her because I told her I thought it would help me with my Creole. So, I went last Sunday. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a Haitian service like I knew in Haiti or if it was going to be more of an American service in Creole. I arrived right on time at 10:30, but when the service didn’t start until 11:00, I knew it was definitely going to be a Haitian service. I tried to be comfortable, knowing I was in the presence of a people group God has placed on my heart. But when you know you’re the only white girl and you stick out like a sore thumb, it’s a little hard to relax. I enjoyed the worship and tried to move enough that I wouldn’t stick out as being super uncomfortable, but not too much that I would draw attention to myself. It took a few songs, but when they began singing a song that I recognized from “Chants d’Esperance,” a popular Haitian hymnal, I started dancing more and became more comfortable. It was a song that became very common to me after this summer.
We sat down for announcements, and I thought to myself, “You know, in Haiti at church services, when there is a visitor, they have the visitor stand up in front of everyone and introduce themselves. I wonder if they will do that today. And if they do, do I speak in English, or attempt Creole? Don’t panic; don’t think about it,” I told myself. A woman I recognized from work was ushering up and down the isles monitoring the scene- common Haitian church practice. I caught her eye, and she came over to me and was sure to tell me that when they ask for visitors, I needed to stand up and present myself. “Okay, what do I know in Creole and how fast can I come up with an introduction on the spot?!”
The time came. Everyone in my pew turned their heads toward me, and along with the three other people there, I proudly stood up (trembling inside) waiting for my turn. I wanted to listen to what the other Haitian visitors were saying, but let’s be honest, I was just practicing my introduction over in my head. Then, the pastor looked at me. I took a breath, saw everyone staring at me, and said in my best Creole, hoping my voice wouldn’t crack, “Hello. My name is Sarah, and I just moved to Orlando, and a friend invited me to come to church today.” I think everyone was staring at this white girl in joyful surprise, but I was focused on the pastor. Then he cut me off from the rest of my rehearsed lines and went off on this little tangent. I have absolutely no idea what he said. He was talking too fast, and I was too flustered to understand. I then just saw my whole pew motioning and telling me to sit down. So I plopped down quickly.
I tried to listen to the sermon, but like Haiti, the Pastor spoke with such power, that the speakers were bursting with loudness. Unlike Haiti, the church was inside, enclosed (and air-conditioned) so there was no place for the sound to travel except to pierce my ears. I’m pretty sure I had temporary hearing loss after the service. This kind of distracted me from trying to understand what the Pastor was actually saying, but the nice man next to me tried to translate parts here and there. He was shouting in my ear so I could hear him over the pastor, but it was thoughtful nonetheless. Bless his heart. I’d like to go back sometime, but with my hair down to hide the earplugs that will be in my ears =)
We sat down for announcements, and I thought to myself, “You know, in Haiti at church services, when there is a visitor, they have the visitor stand up in front of everyone and introduce themselves. I wonder if they will do that today. And if they do, do I speak in English, or attempt Creole? Don’t panic; don’t think about it,” I told myself. A woman I recognized from work was ushering up and down the isles monitoring the scene- common Haitian church practice. I caught her eye, and she came over to me and was sure to tell me that when they ask for visitors, I needed to stand up and present myself. “Okay, what do I know in Creole and how fast can I come up with an introduction on the spot?!”
The time came. Everyone in my pew turned their heads toward me, and along with the three other people there, I proudly stood up (trembling inside) waiting for my turn. I wanted to listen to what the other Haitian visitors were saying, but let’s be honest, I was just practicing my introduction over in my head. Then, the pastor looked at me. I took a breath, saw everyone staring at me, and said in my best Creole, hoping my voice wouldn’t crack, “Hello. My name is Sarah, and I just moved to Orlando, and a friend invited me to come to church today.” I think everyone was staring at this white girl in joyful surprise, but I was focused on the pastor. Then he cut me off from the rest of my rehearsed lines and went off on this little tangent. I have absolutely no idea what he said. He was talking too fast, and I was too flustered to understand. I then just saw my whole pew motioning and telling me to sit down. So I plopped down quickly.
I tried to listen to the sermon, but like Haiti, the Pastor spoke with such power, that the speakers were bursting with loudness. Unlike Haiti, the church was inside, enclosed (and air-conditioned) so there was no place for the sound to travel except to pierce my ears. I’m pretty sure I had temporary hearing loss after the service. This kind of distracted me from trying to understand what the Pastor was actually saying, but the nice man next to me tried to translate parts here and there. He was shouting in my ear so I could hear him over the pastor, but it was thoughtful nonetheless. Bless his heart. I’d like to go back sometime, but with my hair down to hide the earplugs that will be in my ears =)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
For such a time as this
It was about week two of work. I was driving in my pargo (aka golf cart) through the resort to check on people. I saw this Haitian woman picking up trash in the parking lot, so I stopped to say hello. She spoke decent English so our conversation was about ½ English, ½ Creole. We were talking about how funny things are said when learning another language. I agreed and told her about a time when I messed up the Creole words for “to eat” and “boyfriend” because in Creole, they sound similar. That led to her asking if I had a boyfriend or was married. “No,” I responded and told her that I was waiting for God’s timing. She smiled so big and looked so relieved with my response. Seeing her expression, I expounded to say that I was waiting to marry a man who loves Jesus more than he loves me and that I need to love Jesus more than I will ever love this man. Now, almost with tears in her eyes, she said, “It’s so good to see young people like you who love the Lord because not enough young people do.” She hugged me so hard and for a while. I could tell she was on the verge of tears. I asked her if she knew why I came to Orlando for this job. I told her it was because I knew I would get to work with Haitians and that I love Haitians so much and wanted to serve them. She thanked me for coming to serve the poor people and told me repeatedly that God would bless me. Then, standing in the middle of the parking lot, I was unprepared for what was next. She stood tall, held her arms out to her side, looked toward heaven and closed her eyes. Now sobbing, she began to pray for me in Creole, thanking God for me, asking God’s blessings over me. I was so blessed by this woman. I knew at that moment, that this is why I picked up and moved across the country. God had a plan and a purpose for me, and it was being lived out.
I was talking with a friend later and told her what had happened. She said, “Sarah, it’s neat. Maybe God brought you to Florida to interact with the Haitian people, love them with the love of Christ, and be a witness. But maybe it was also just so you could be a source of encouragement to the ones there who already know the Lord.” How right she was.
I don’t write this because I’m proud of my decision to move or because I want people to acknowledge some “great ability” I have to connect with the Haitian people. No. I share this because this is a testimony of the Lord working in and through my life. This is about how He is moving and the gifts and abilities He has created. And these things, to HIM be ALL the glory, are the things He is doing in my life, and the gifts He has bestowed upon me. I share this because God is confirming each and every day that this is where I need to be. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but for such a time as this, this is where He has placed me and this is where I need to serve. May we be encouraged together at what the Lord is doing.
Esther 1-9. “And who knows that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14
I was talking with a friend later and told her what had happened. She said, “Sarah, it’s neat. Maybe God brought you to Florida to interact with the Haitian people, love them with the love of Christ, and be a witness. But maybe it was also just so you could be a source of encouragement to the ones there who already know the Lord.” How right she was.
I don’t write this because I’m proud of my decision to move or because I want people to acknowledge some “great ability” I have to connect with the Haitian people. No. I share this because this is a testimony of the Lord working in and through my life. This is about how He is moving and the gifts and abilities He has created. And these things, to HIM be ALL the glory, are the things He is doing in my life, and the gifts He has bestowed upon me. I share this because God is confirming each and every day that this is where I need to be. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but for such a time as this, this is where He has placed me and this is where I need to serve. May we be encouraged together at what the Lord is doing.
Esther 1-9. “And who knows that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14
Cultural differences exist in the same country
Mom was with me as we road tripped across country to Orlando, Florida. A two day drive, but it was good time to spend together. I think my favorite seen was when we finally got to Florida, we stopped at the Florida Welcome Center for a couple maps and our free glass of orange juice. But as we pulled up, it was me, mom, and everyone else over the age of 65. My favorite sight: Grandma driving, Grandpa riding shotgun with a flat-brimmed baseball cap on, handicapped sticker hanging on the rearview mirror, and a bird in the birdcage in the backseat. Oh, God bless the Snowbirds!
I’ve noticed a lot of differences in the last month that I’ve been here compared to my Midwest upbringing:
- The grass is different. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s so full and thick, the blades are wider but not as soft.
- There’re palm trees- you just don’t see those in the Midwest.
- Town houses (like what I live in) are everywhere. It must be the way to go in Orlando.
- Alligators are supposedly the deer of the south- but I still haven’t seen one yet =(
- An armadillo is the raccoon roadkill of the south. I saw one the other day when I was with my co-worker. I got a little excited- yes, I’m new. She told me to make sure not to hit them with your car, though, because if you’re going fast, they can overturn your car because of their rock-hard shell.
- Okay, then there’s the road rules. Driving in a city has its own set of rules. On more than one occasion, I’ve come home and drawn out a scenario for my roommate and asked her how you’re really supposed to handle such a situation. For example, if you’re turning right on red, there’s usually a sign posted to say if it’s not allowed. But if there’s no sign, and it’s a red arrow, then doesn’t that imply you shouldn’t turn? I’d think so, but not here. If it’s a red arrow and you yield to oncoming traffic, then go ahead and turn on right…I guess. And if you’re in a turn lane, what’s the point of using your turn signal? Nobody does here, not even the cop I saw yesterday. And U-turns: they are everywhere and are legal; that also requires a learning curve.
- Along with driving, when mom and I were coming down here driving through some of the major cities, we came across those wacko drivers who are speeding 20+ miles over the limit and weaving in and out between vehicles across multiple lanes. I would see someone make such a move, and say, “Oh my gosh! What an idiot! What’s he doing?!” Well, after only a couple weeks in Orlando, I’ll be driving and when I see such a situation, I’ve noticed my attitude has changed slightly. Instead of being ticked by someone’s stupidity, I find myself in admiration, with a slight chuckle to myself saying, “Hey, nice move man. Impressive.”
- I’ve also noticed them temptation to fall into the sin of road-rage. I haven’t cursed anyone out yet, and I’m pretty sure that’s not really part of my nature, but I’ve noticed a slight increase in irritation.
Well, more differences and observations to come I’m sure.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
In order to give, one must receive
I flew home from Haiti on August 25th. The next day, I decided to work out at home and go for a run instead of going to town to the fitness center. I knew if I went to town, I would run into a million people and everyone would ask about Haiti. I love to talk about Haiti and am always willing to share, but I knew I just needed to process things first- so what better way than going for a run (at least for me; I know not everyone would agree ☺). As I was running, I prayed, “Lord, this is the first day of I have absolutely no idea what’s next. I’m not scared because You have proven Yourself to me over and over again. I know You have a plan, and I trust that. ‘So here am I, all of me. Take my life; it’s all for Thee,’” (Lyrics from “Take My Life”).
The 25th was a Wednesday so I gave myself until the following Monday to relax before starting the joyous job search. When Monday rolled around, I knew I needed to treat searching for a job like it was my job- so from 8-4:30, Monday through Friday, I spent my time at the table in front of my computer. (The joy of it not being a real job was that I was able to hang out in my favorite red, plaid, flannel boxer shorts all day.) This was the life I lived for the next month- productive, yet not seemingly. I wanted to find a job in the area where I could be an athletic trainer so I could put into practice what I’d spent the last four years learning. I quickly realized, though, that I would likely have to choose between finding a job doing anything so I could stay in the area, or be willing to go anywhere to find an athletic training job. I was open.
There were days where, well, I’ll be honest, I was bitter. I was bored and couldn’t stand having no one around all day while I just sat in front of a computer. To me, being at home this time was different. I wasn’t there for 3 weeks over Christmas, or even 3 months during the summer before school would start. Northwestern had already resumed its classes and I wasn’t there. My friends from college were working real jobs and getting married. The reality of, “I’ve entered the real world,” was finally hitting. I had no idea if I’d be living at home for a month or a year. I had no idea how long I would be jobless. Do I unpack all of my stuff and really move back in, or only what I need so when I do move out, it won’t be so difficult? Josh was living at home too, but he had a job, and at least he could buy his own groceries and not worry about how he was going to fill his gas tank. My family would get home from work and ask me how my day was, and with bitterness I’d say, “Oh ya know. Another 8 hours in front of my computer with no social interaction.” I’m sure I got a little lecture from my dad one night. But it was good. It slapped me to my senses a little as I thought to myself, “Really, Sarah? How many people in this country have been unemployed for months now due to the economy, and you’ve been at this for how many weeks? For goodness sake, girl! Where did you just come from?!?! You spent 3 months in a country where people are living in tents, not knowing where or when their next meal will come, and you are complaining because you have a beautiful roof over your head, plenty of food to eat, surrounded by people that love and care about you?!?!?! Shut up, be thankful, and count your blessings!”
So I did make a conscious effort to be thankful every day, but it was hard. Not because I wasn’t grateful; I was. Mom told me one day, “Sarah, we know the job economy is rough right now. It’s not easy to find a job, but you’re trying and we know that. You just spent the whole summer in Haiti doing wonderful things, so until you find a job, we’re here for you. There’s food for you to eat; we’re not going to just throw you out on the street.” I knew that; I expected that because of the amazing, loving parents that I have. And so, I was grateful, but I was learning something about myself that was hard. God was teaching me a lesson on humility, to a degree I’ve never before experienced. I was reminded that I LOVE to serve, to give, to help, to encourage, to interact. I was also realizing that I was more independent than I knew. However, it’s hard for me to receive. I don’t like that end of it. I don’t know, maybe it’s because when I get to give, I know I’m honoring God and He is pleased. But when I have to ask for help because I can’t do it on my own, and this time, from more than just God but from other humans, does that bring Him honor to? Can I worship Him by receiving? Well, I knew I couldn’t worship Him by receiving with a bad attitude, and so that needed to change.
I had heard before that it’s better to give than to receive, but in order for someone to give, someone must also receive. I knew that was true, and so this time, I was having to learn to be the receiver instead of the giver. But a friend pointed out to me, that maybe in all of this, not only was I learning how to receive, but also how difficult it must be for other people who have to receive. I had never thought about that before. Whenever I give, even if the receiver says, “I can’t take that; it’s too much,” it would make me feel all the more blessed because I sincerely wanted to and could give it all. But now I realize that when you give, you have to be sensitive to the receiver because sometimes, it is nice to receive, and it is a blessing, but I think many of us deal with pride issues and wanting to be self-sufficient, like I was. We don’t want people’s hand-outs. We want to be able to take care of the obstacles in our way and be that giver, humbly and quietly, but we are unable. And so, we must receive.
Jesus tells us to pray for others, but aren’t we also told to ask for prayer for ourselves too? “13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14 Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective,” James5:13-16.
[On September 25th, one month after returning from Haiti, I accepted a job in Orlando, FL and moved there one week later.]
The 25th was a Wednesday so I gave myself until the following Monday to relax before starting the joyous job search. When Monday rolled around, I knew I needed to treat searching for a job like it was my job- so from 8-4:30, Monday through Friday, I spent my time at the table in front of my computer. (The joy of it not being a real job was that I was able to hang out in my favorite red, plaid, flannel boxer shorts all day.) This was the life I lived for the next month- productive, yet not seemingly. I wanted to find a job in the area where I could be an athletic trainer so I could put into practice what I’d spent the last four years learning. I quickly realized, though, that I would likely have to choose between finding a job doing anything so I could stay in the area, or be willing to go anywhere to find an athletic training job. I was open.
There were days where, well, I’ll be honest, I was bitter. I was bored and couldn’t stand having no one around all day while I just sat in front of a computer. To me, being at home this time was different. I wasn’t there for 3 weeks over Christmas, or even 3 months during the summer before school would start. Northwestern had already resumed its classes and I wasn’t there. My friends from college were working real jobs and getting married. The reality of, “I’ve entered the real world,” was finally hitting. I had no idea if I’d be living at home for a month or a year. I had no idea how long I would be jobless. Do I unpack all of my stuff and really move back in, or only what I need so when I do move out, it won’t be so difficult? Josh was living at home too, but he had a job, and at least he could buy his own groceries and not worry about how he was going to fill his gas tank. My family would get home from work and ask me how my day was, and with bitterness I’d say, “Oh ya know. Another 8 hours in front of my computer with no social interaction.” I’m sure I got a little lecture from my dad one night. But it was good. It slapped me to my senses a little as I thought to myself, “Really, Sarah? How many people in this country have been unemployed for months now due to the economy, and you’ve been at this for how many weeks? For goodness sake, girl! Where did you just come from?!?! You spent 3 months in a country where people are living in tents, not knowing where or when their next meal will come, and you are complaining because you have a beautiful roof over your head, plenty of food to eat, surrounded by people that love and care about you?!?!?! Shut up, be thankful, and count your blessings!”
So I did make a conscious effort to be thankful every day, but it was hard. Not because I wasn’t grateful; I was. Mom told me one day, “Sarah, we know the job economy is rough right now. It’s not easy to find a job, but you’re trying and we know that. You just spent the whole summer in Haiti doing wonderful things, so until you find a job, we’re here for you. There’s food for you to eat; we’re not going to just throw you out on the street.” I knew that; I expected that because of the amazing, loving parents that I have. And so, I was grateful, but I was learning something about myself that was hard. God was teaching me a lesson on humility, to a degree I’ve never before experienced. I was reminded that I LOVE to serve, to give, to help, to encourage, to interact. I was also realizing that I was more independent than I knew. However, it’s hard for me to receive. I don’t like that end of it. I don’t know, maybe it’s because when I get to give, I know I’m honoring God and He is pleased. But when I have to ask for help because I can’t do it on my own, and this time, from more than just God but from other humans, does that bring Him honor to? Can I worship Him by receiving? Well, I knew I couldn’t worship Him by receiving with a bad attitude, and so that needed to change.
I had heard before that it’s better to give than to receive, but in order for someone to give, someone must also receive. I knew that was true, and so this time, I was having to learn to be the receiver instead of the giver. But a friend pointed out to me, that maybe in all of this, not only was I learning how to receive, but also how difficult it must be for other people who have to receive. I had never thought about that before. Whenever I give, even if the receiver says, “I can’t take that; it’s too much,” it would make me feel all the more blessed because I sincerely wanted to and could give it all. But now I realize that when you give, you have to be sensitive to the receiver because sometimes, it is nice to receive, and it is a blessing, but I think many of us deal with pride issues and wanting to be self-sufficient, like I was. We don’t want people’s hand-outs. We want to be able to take care of the obstacles in our way and be that giver, humbly and quietly, but we are unable. And so, we must receive.
Jesus tells us to pray for others, but aren’t we also told to ask for prayer for ourselves too? “13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14 Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective,” James5:13-16.
[On September 25th, one month after returning from Haiti, I accepted a job in Orlando, FL and moved there one week later.]
Friday, September 10, 2010
Skydiving- a spiritual exercise
Some of you may remember that back in January, I had the opportunity to speak in chapel. At the end, I challenged everyone to jump off a cliff. Well this past weekend, I didn’t jump off a cliff, but I did have the opportunity to go skydiving, which, is probably higher than a cliff anyway, right??? Leading up to it, people kept asking if I was excited. My simple response was, “Let’s not talk about. I’m trying to not think about it.” And as I told my best friend, “I’m looking at this not as something fun and exciting, but as a spiritual exercise. That honestly was my mindset the whole time, even as I was flying up in the plane before I jumped. I want to elaborate on my experience and how this perfectly correlates into my “Cliff jumping” (now skydiving) chapel speech:
Throughout our lives as Christians, we tell ourselves (and God too) that we are being faithful to Him. We tell Him that we’ll do anything He wants us to and go anywhere He takes us (but in our heads we’re thinking, “But I really do prefer where I’m at right now, and look at all the ministry needs right here! God, it’s probably best for me to stay here.”). So, we walk the walk and we talk the talk.
But what happens when we suddenly realize that God has taken us to the edge of a cliff (or opened up the airplane door) and He says, “Thank you for submitting yourself to Me and telling Me how faithful you are. But now I want you to show Me. Now, if your faith is in Me, I want you to jump.” Is it possible to turn back and not jump? Yeah, we can always say no to God because He gives us the freedom to choose; to say yes or no; to be obedient or disobedient; to be faithful or not; to choose His ways or our ways. But we want to choose His ways, and in our hearts, we really do want to be faithful. So we look out the plane door and realize, the only thing left to do is jump, trusting that God won’t let us fall to our death, but instead, that He’ll give us new life we’ve never experienced before!
But then we start to think again: “But if I really jump, I’m going to have to sacrifice so much. Up until this point, I’ve been able to carry my securities in my luggage- family, support, money, practicality, a job, familiar territory- but now I’m there, inches from falling out of the plane, and I can’t take any of that with me, I have to drop it all, leave it, and jump. All I have is God’s faithfulness to me.” But in the midst of all our fear and doubt, we know that God’s faithfulness is all we need. And while we’re waiting there, feeling the cold gust of wind in our faces, seeing the clouds below without a window in between, the thousands of feet below us, and everything inside of us screaming how insane, dumb, and crazy this is, we get this little sense of peace. We know that not only will the Lord of lords catch us, but He is going to be strapped onto our backs jumping with us. In fact, He’s the one with the parachute. Even if we forget everything we’ve learned along the way and we do everything wrong, His grace for us can’t stop the chute from opening. And so, He says, “Are you ready?”
And we say, “Is it time?”
And He says, “It’s time.” And we go; we jump. We jump! We’re freefalling and it’s CRAZY! But after a couple short seconds, we realize that even though we’re freefalling, it’s not scary anymore. It’s exhilarating! It’s freeing! Our screaming has turned to uncontrollable laughter in the freedom we feel in falling, knowing that everything is going to be fine. And then, after a short time, He pulls the chute. And we stop falling so fast; now we’re just joyously floating down. And we look around at the beautiful view, and are just overwhelmed with goodness at what just happened and what is happening. Just for fun, He soars us around a little; because he’s in control, and He can steer us too.
As soon as we touch the ground, we can’t help but think, “I can’t wait to do that again! I’m ready this second to go back up and jump again!” We realize that the scariest part was the few minutes leading up to it. The jump itself was awesome (after the first couple seconds in which we’re still realizing what we actually did). It was the buildup, the hype, the thoughts that almost made us turn back. But, we did it. And we have no regrets.
When God takes you to the edge, the questions and doubt will come (I’m not old enough, I can’t do it alone, I don’t have enough money and I have students loans, everyone will think I’m crazy and foolish, I don’t have a backup plan, let alone a plan…). But if God clearly takes you up and opens the door to the plane, will you jump? Will I jump? I dare us to, because I’m pretty sure once we land, we’ll have no regrets and want to do it all over again.
Throughout our lives as Christians, we tell ourselves (and God too) that we are being faithful to Him. We tell Him that we’ll do anything He wants us to and go anywhere He takes us (but in our heads we’re thinking, “But I really do prefer where I’m at right now, and look at all the ministry needs right here! God, it’s probably best for me to stay here.”). So, we walk the walk and we talk the talk.
But what happens when we suddenly realize that God has taken us to the edge of a cliff (or opened up the airplane door) and He says, “Thank you for submitting yourself to Me and telling Me how faithful you are. But now I want you to show Me. Now, if your faith is in Me, I want you to jump.” Is it possible to turn back and not jump? Yeah, we can always say no to God because He gives us the freedom to choose; to say yes or no; to be obedient or disobedient; to be faithful or not; to choose His ways or our ways. But we want to choose His ways, and in our hearts, we really do want to be faithful. So we look out the plane door and realize, the only thing left to do is jump, trusting that God won’t let us fall to our death, but instead, that He’ll give us new life we’ve never experienced before!
But then we start to think again: “But if I really jump, I’m going to have to sacrifice so much. Up until this point, I’ve been able to carry my securities in my luggage- family, support, money, practicality, a job, familiar territory- but now I’m there, inches from falling out of the plane, and I can’t take any of that with me, I have to drop it all, leave it, and jump. All I have is God’s faithfulness to me.” But in the midst of all our fear and doubt, we know that God’s faithfulness is all we need. And while we’re waiting there, feeling the cold gust of wind in our faces, seeing the clouds below without a window in between, the thousands of feet below us, and everything inside of us screaming how insane, dumb, and crazy this is, we get this little sense of peace. We know that not only will the Lord of lords catch us, but He is going to be strapped onto our backs jumping with us. In fact, He’s the one with the parachute. Even if we forget everything we’ve learned along the way and we do everything wrong, His grace for us can’t stop the chute from opening. And so, He says, “Are you ready?”
And we say, “Is it time?”
And He says, “It’s time.” And we go; we jump. We jump! We’re freefalling and it’s CRAZY! But after a couple short seconds, we realize that even though we’re freefalling, it’s not scary anymore. It’s exhilarating! It’s freeing! Our screaming has turned to uncontrollable laughter in the freedom we feel in falling, knowing that everything is going to be fine. And then, after a short time, He pulls the chute. And we stop falling so fast; now we’re just joyously floating down. And we look around at the beautiful view, and are just overwhelmed with goodness at what just happened and what is happening. Just for fun, He soars us around a little; because he’s in control, and He can steer us too.
As soon as we touch the ground, we can’t help but think, “I can’t wait to do that again! I’m ready this second to go back up and jump again!” We realize that the scariest part was the few minutes leading up to it. The jump itself was awesome (after the first couple seconds in which we’re still realizing what we actually did). It was the buildup, the hype, the thoughts that almost made us turn back. But, we did it. And we have no regrets.
When God takes you to the edge, the questions and doubt will come (I’m not old enough, I can’t do it alone, I don’t have enough money and I have students loans, everyone will think I’m crazy and foolish, I don’t have a backup plan, let alone a plan…). But if God clearly takes you up and opens the door to the plane, will you jump? Will I jump? I dare us to, because I’m pretty sure once we land, we’ll have no regrets and want to do it all over again.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Overwhelmed with so many thoughts I have no words
All summer long, we’ve been telling our work teams on their last night in Haiti that when they go home, they need to have a 3 minute speech prepared to tell when people ask, “How was Haiti?” I’ve put that off because I had all summer. But now I’m home, and people are asking, and I’m struggling with my answer. I have so many thoughts, saw God in so many (every) ways, learned so much, and was stretched beyond what I ever thought. So many thoughts but few words to express them (or more words than necessary to try and describe what’s going on in my head =). Here’s my attempt:
- There is a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is based on our circumstances, but joy comes from the Lord and is renewed each morning. Life after the earthquake for the people of Haiti did not bring happiness. Each day is still a struggle for most everyone. To say that there is great need in Haiti is an understatement. The people there are hungry, need a safe place to live, healthcare, and education. Life is burdensome, onerous, and unyielding. But this is not the end of the story! Despite these things that are true, for basically everyone, the people that know Jesus have so much joy and put me to shame with my lack of joy. They find their joy and their strength in the Lord each day. With every right to complain, they don’t; they praise. Gaston, one of the masons who can work endless hours nonstop mixing concrete recites over 40 verses and passages from scripture by memory. Madame Therese who lost her sister a few weeks ago to malaria continues to dance and sing for the Lord with joy radiating on her face and cares for numerous people in her house beyond her family. The little kids from Jeanty church sing in church from the bottom of their hearts at the top of their lungs, eyes closed, hands raised to the heavens, all praise to Jesus. The adults from the church meet five days a week at 4:30 in the morning to pray, study and memorize scripture, and sing for over an hour. The teens meet at 5:30 in the morning on their own to pray and sing.
Joy does not come from circumstances. It comes from the Lord. “Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.” Psalms 86:3 - You can’t save everyone. This was a hard lesson, especially as I did therapy. You can’t come to Haiti and not be overwhelmed by the need and devastation. It would be so easy to walk away from it feeling hopeless because even if you could do something, it wouldn’t even seem to make a dent in the problems. But I heard a story this summer that stuck with me and showed me the approach we [I] need to have (in Haiti and everywhere). There was a grandfather who saw his grandson off in the distance along the beach throwing starfish who had been brought on the shore by the tide back in the water to try and save them. The grandfather went to his grandson and told him he might as well quit because he could walk forever along the shore throwing starfish back in the ocean and he’d never save them all. The grandson picked up another starfish and said, “But to this one, it does matter because his life has been saved,” and he threw it back in the ocean.
I wanted to save everyone, but I couldn’t. But God didn’t send me to Haiti to save everyone. He just wanted me to love the people he put in my path every day because to that one person, I could make a difference and touch a life. - We’re really the same. Every other time I’ve gone to Haiti, I’ve been hesitant to do certain things because I realized I was the foreigner and felt the need to just watch, observe, and learn from them. I did not want to impose my American ways on them or offend them because of my cultural ignorance. However, after being there three months this time, I began to feel a part of the community. I saw the cultural differences, but those seemed to be just that- cultural. At the heart of most things, we really are more similar than different. One way I saw this was in the example of beauty. The beginning of the summer, I had my hair braided by some girlfriends of mine. When they were done, I had twelve random braids sticking ridiculously out of my head. But, oh, it was so beautiful they told me. I wasn’t sure I saw that beauty. Cultural difference: what they think is pretty in Haiti isn’t necessarily pretty in the U.S. and visa versa. However, in my last weeks in Haiti, I had the opportunity to meet with my group of teenage girls. As we talked, I learned that girls everywhere desire the same thing- to feel beautiful and know they are loved. This is not cultural; this is the way God made us.
To my dearest family and friends in Haiti and at Lifeline: I love and miss you so much. I’m realizing more and more that home is not where four walls meet and a bed lies within those walls. Home is where the people you love are. The U.S. is my home because I have many people I love here. But Haiti, you are my home too. Thank you for welcoming me in as one of your own. I cannot wait for the day when the Lord presents me with the opportunity to return to you. Until then, know you are constantly on my heart and mind and in my prayers.
The hardest thing You've asked of me
I think the first time I really ever felt out of my element in Haiti was the first day I was in clinic this summer. I felt so unqualified to do what God wanted me to do. But as you know, God worked through that whole experience and taught me a lot. However, two weeks ago, I experienced something else that was even more challenging in some ways.
With each team that came to Haiti this summer, we took them to Jeanty church one night (Jeanty is the name of a nearby community). It is a small but thriving and growing church. I LOVE going there; they are the most welcoming and loving people, and every service is full of heartfelt, lively worship. Pastor Julio’s wife works at Lifeline, and she asked me one day the end of July if I was going to sing the next time I came to Jeanty. I responded with, “Maybe I can do that,” thinking I was going to be leaving Haiti before I would be returning to Jeanty so I would be off the hook. Well, as it turned out, I stayed another month and had two more opportunities to return to Jeanty. It was on the back of my mind that first week that they may ask me to sing (in Haiti, there’s not a lot of warning about these type of things. It would probably be something like the Pastor seeing me from the pulpit and calling me out in front of the congregation to come up and sing.). There was a woman, Weena, on the workteam who I had become friends with and asked her if she would want to quickly learn a song and sing it with me in case they called me up. She has a beautiful voice and a heart for music so she quickly learned the Creole song. We got to church, worshiped with them, but they never called me up. Whew; got past that easy enough.
Well, a couple weeks later we returned to Jeanty; this was my last time going before I was really coming home to the States. I had kind of forgotten about the song thing until a couple hours before we left. I knew there was a chance they’d call me up, but they didn’t last time, so they probably wouldn’t this time. We got to church, and as I sat down, I realized I was sitting next to Pastor Julio’s wife. A few minutes later, she leaned over and, of course, asked if I was going to sing. I panicked a little…I didn’t have a partner to sing with me this time. I also get a lot of attention from the Haitian people because they know me from being there so long, and I didn’t want to put myself on a pedestal in front of the Americans to show off my relationships with the Haitians or how well I knew Creole. I tried to come up with every excuse possible to not, but she just was not buying any of it. After a few minutes of this, she said, “So can you sing?” I clutched my camera case so hard. See the problem was not singing in front of the Haitian people; it was singing in front of the Americans.
One thing that I love about Haiti each time I come is their heart for worship. They understand that when they worship, it’s not about a show or impressing the other people sitting next to them. They don’t debate in their heads if it’s okay to stand up, clap their hands, or raise their hands, because, it doesn’t matter what other people think. They’re not there to worship or please men, but God. I think most Christians in the States, myself included, so easily miss the point of worship in our churches because we are so concerned by these things and our appearance before men. I don’t consider myself to be a singer. I can sing in a choir, but I’m no soloist. But in Haiti, that doesn’t matter. There are Haitians who can’t sing a pitch, but they will stand up in front of a congregation and sing a solo to the Lord, and everyone just encourages them. I knew if I sang, it would mean so much to my Haitian brothers and sisters. This was no longer about attention for myself, but obedience and worship to my Lord.
I told her I could. A couple minutes later, I got called up front to sing. All my fears and inhibitions escaped me as I said, “I want to sing a song tonight, but I want to sing it to the Lord. I think it’s a song many of you know, so if you know it, sing with me.” And I began my favorite song in Creole: You’re holy, You’re good, You’re able, You’re mighty, You’re powerful, Lord. Everywhere on the earth people are singing You’re holy, good, able, mighty, and powerful.
With each team that came to Haiti this summer, we took them to Jeanty church one night (Jeanty is the name of a nearby community). It is a small but thriving and growing church. I LOVE going there; they are the most welcoming and loving people, and every service is full of heartfelt, lively worship. Pastor Julio’s wife works at Lifeline, and she asked me one day the end of July if I was going to sing the next time I came to Jeanty. I responded with, “Maybe I can do that,” thinking I was going to be leaving Haiti before I would be returning to Jeanty so I would be off the hook. Well, as it turned out, I stayed another month and had two more opportunities to return to Jeanty. It was on the back of my mind that first week that they may ask me to sing (in Haiti, there’s not a lot of warning about these type of things. It would probably be something like the Pastor seeing me from the pulpit and calling me out in front of the congregation to come up and sing.). There was a woman, Weena, on the workteam who I had become friends with and asked her if she would want to quickly learn a song and sing it with me in case they called me up. She has a beautiful voice and a heart for music so she quickly learned the Creole song. We got to church, worshiped with them, but they never called me up. Whew; got past that easy enough.
Well, a couple weeks later we returned to Jeanty; this was my last time going before I was really coming home to the States. I had kind of forgotten about the song thing until a couple hours before we left. I knew there was a chance they’d call me up, but they didn’t last time, so they probably wouldn’t this time. We got to church, and as I sat down, I realized I was sitting next to Pastor Julio’s wife. A few minutes later, she leaned over and, of course, asked if I was going to sing. I panicked a little…I didn’t have a partner to sing with me this time. I also get a lot of attention from the Haitian people because they know me from being there so long, and I didn’t want to put myself on a pedestal in front of the Americans to show off my relationships with the Haitians or how well I knew Creole. I tried to come up with every excuse possible to not, but she just was not buying any of it. After a few minutes of this, she said, “So can you sing?” I clutched my camera case so hard. See the problem was not singing in front of the Haitian people; it was singing in front of the Americans.
One thing that I love about Haiti each time I come is their heart for worship. They understand that when they worship, it’s not about a show or impressing the other people sitting next to them. They don’t debate in their heads if it’s okay to stand up, clap their hands, or raise their hands, because, it doesn’t matter what other people think. They’re not there to worship or please men, but God. I think most Christians in the States, myself included, so easily miss the point of worship in our churches because we are so concerned by these things and our appearance before men. I don’t consider myself to be a singer. I can sing in a choir, but I’m no soloist. But in Haiti, that doesn’t matter. There are Haitians who can’t sing a pitch, but they will stand up in front of a congregation and sing a solo to the Lord, and everyone just encourages them. I knew if I sang, it would mean so much to my Haitian brothers and sisters. This was no longer about attention for myself, but obedience and worship to my Lord.
I told her I could. A couple minutes later, I got called up front to sing. All my fears and inhibitions escaped me as I said, “I want to sing a song tonight, but I want to sing it to the Lord. I think it’s a song many of you know, so if you know it, sing with me.” And I began my favorite song in Creole: You’re holy, You’re good, You’re able, You’re mighty, You’re powerful, Lord. Everywhere on the earth people are singing You’re holy, good, able, mighty, and powerful.
It's a Revival!
(I'm trying to get caught up with a few entries since I last blogged. This is from around August 15th.)
Lifeline has been in Haiti for 30 years, and 2 ½ weeks ago, Lifeline’s church in Grand Goave celebrated their first church service 30 years ago with a revival that lasted all weekend. Lifeline has numerous churches all over Haiti and so people came from all the churches to celebrate and praise together. It was fantastic to see so many people there. Probably over 2000 people! There were people cooking out of the school kitchen to feed the masses- spaghetti one night (Haitian spaghetti), Haitian bread with a homemade hot chocolate-like drink for breakfast, rice and beans, beef (I didn’t try that one, but I saw the carcass☺). The worship began in the early morning at 4:00 or earlier and went until 10:00 p.m. or later each night. It was continuous singing, dancing, praying, preaching, and teaching. People were camped all over Lifeline’s compound, in the school, and in the clinic for this event. There were tap-taps (Haitian taxis) and vehicles parked everywhere and coming and going with people. It was incredible!
A highlight of the weekend was that a group of kids from the children’s home came to stay at Lifeline for the weekend (since they are located near Port au Prince). There were about 20 girls and they all stayed up in the dorm with me and two other girls who were at Lifeline throughout August. It was so much fun to live with these girls for 3 days and see how they live- their morning and night routines. I’m sure they were just as curious about us. In fact, I know they were as they would stare at us get ready in the morning (contact lenses are quite foreign to them), watch us do our hair, or put makeup on. One of the funniest things happened to Kelsi, one of the other Americans. She forgot to put her (electric) toothbrush away one night and noticed it was moved the next morning. Fearing it may have been used by someone else, she opted not to brush her teeth. She went to the bathroom, and while in the stall, heard the sound of her electric toothbrush turn on. She peaked her head above the door to see what was going on, and caught a couple of the girls using her toothbrush to brush their eyebrows! HAHAHA, too funny. I think the girls dropped the toothbrush and ran. Toothbrush, eyebrow brush, I guess it could be used for both. (Note: Kelsi got a new toothbrush to use for her remaining days in Haiti.)
Lifeline has been in Haiti for 30 years, and 2 ½ weeks ago, Lifeline’s church in Grand Goave celebrated their first church service 30 years ago with a revival that lasted all weekend. Lifeline has numerous churches all over Haiti and so people came from all the churches to celebrate and praise together. It was fantastic to see so many people there. Probably over 2000 people! There were people cooking out of the school kitchen to feed the masses- spaghetti one night (Haitian spaghetti), Haitian bread with a homemade hot chocolate-like drink for breakfast, rice and beans, beef (I didn’t try that one, but I saw the carcass☺). The worship began in the early morning at 4:00 or earlier and went until 10:00 p.m. or later each night. It was continuous singing, dancing, praying, preaching, and teaching. People were camped all over Lifeline’s compound, in the school, and in the clinic for this event. There were tap-taps (Haitian taxis) and vehicles parked everywhere and coming and going with people. It was incredible!
A highlight of the weekend was that a group of kids from the children’s home came to stay at Lifeline for the weekend (since they are located near Port au Prince). There were about 20 girls and they all stayed up in the dorm with me and two other girls who were at Lifeline throughout August. It was so much fun to live with these girls for 3 days and see how they live- their morning and night routines. I’m sure they were just as curious about us. In fact, I know they were as they would stare at us get ready in the morning (contact lenses are quite foreign to them), watch us do our hair, or put makeup on. One of the funniest things happened to Kelsi, one of the other Americans. She forgot to put her (electric) toothbrush away one night and noticed it was moved the next morning. Fearing it may have been used by someone else, she opted not to brush her teeth. She went to the bathroom, and while in the stall, heard the sound of her electric toothbrush turn on. She peaked her head above the door to see what was going on, and caught a couple of the girls using her toothbrush to brush their eyebrows! HAHAHA, too funny. I think the girls dropped the toothbrush and ran. Toothbrush, eyebrow brush, I guess it could be used for both. (Note: Kelsi got a new toothbrush to use for her remaining days in Haiti.)
Saturday, August 7, 2010
It's a small world after all
I remember when I was in first grade my family went to Disney World. We rode this ride in a little car (that I got to “drive”) that took us down this path with the continuous, repeating lyrics of “It’s a small world after all…” I’ve heard the older you get, the smaller the world gets. I’m beginning to find that already with people I meet, but instead of being like that nuisance of a song, it’s been a real comfort and blessing.
Yesterday, two men stopped by. One of them was them was from Outreach International, one of Lifeline’s food suppliers of the food that we feed our children in our schools and nutrition programs and distribute to other missions. The other man with him named Roger Elmore works at Iowa State University as an Extension Corn Agronomist. As soon as I saw his polo with ISU on the side, we began talking since we were from the same neck of the woods. I said I graduated from Northwestern College, to which he responded that he knew people that went to school there. Come to find out, he knew four people that went to school at NWC because they were family friends from his home church. The first girl he mentioned was Stephanie Powell! I was shocked! Steph graduated a year ahead of me, but I actually met her before NWC because we did New Way Singers (a summer choir tour group for high school students) together for three years through Nebraska Christian College. He used to live in Nebraska and went to the same church as Steph (and a couple other girls I met through New Way Singers) and he and his wife were really good friends with her parents. It was crazy to meet this wonderful man of God in Haiti of all places.
Last night, four Haitians stayed with us here because one of the men, Pastor Mioche Rock, has a mission in northern Haiti but receives food from Lifeline to feed children in his programs. Pastor Rock attended Crossroads Christian College for four years and was very good friends with Nichole (Howells) who grew up in my home church. Nichole was someone I always looked up to and admired. It was crazy to meet this man I had heard about from Nichole before, in Haiti of all places.
It’s a small world after all, but how comforting it is to know God makes our worlds smaller, maybe so that we can be encouraged by those in it that we’re privileged to meet.
Yesterday, two men stopped by. One of them was them was from Outreach International, one of Lifeline’s food suppliers of the food that we feed our children in our schools and nutrition programs and distribute to other missions. The other man with him named Roger Elmore works at Iowa State University as an Extension Corn Agronomist. As soon as I saw his polo with ISU on the side, we began talking since we were from the same neck of the woods. I said I graduated from Northwestern College, to which he responded that he knew people that went to school there. Come to find out, he knew four people that went to school at NWC because they were family friends from his home church. The first girl he mentioned was Stephanie Powell! I was shocked! Steph graduated a year ahead of me, but I actually met her before NWC because we did New Way Singers (a summer choir tour group for high school students) together for three years through Nebraska Christian College. He used to live in Nebraska and went to the same church as Steph (and a couple other girls I met through New Way Singers) and he and his wife were really good friends with her parents. It was crazy to meet this wonderful man of God in Haiti of all places.
Last night, four Haitians stayed with us here because one of the men, Pastor Mioche Rock, has a mission in northern Haiti but receives food from Lifeline to feed children in his programs. Pastor Rock attended Crossroads Christian College for four years and was very good friends with Nichole (Howells) who grew up in my home church. Nichole was someone I always looked up to and admired. It was crazy to meet this man I had heard about from Nichole before, in Haiti of all places.
It’s a small world after all, but how comforting it is to know God makes our worlds smaller, maybe so that we can be encouraged by those in it that we’re privileged to meet.
Beautiful girls
God answered prayers for the small group of girls that I was hoping we could put together. On Thursday night we had our first meeting at 4:00. Of course, we ran on Haitian time so by the time all the girls showed up, it was about 4:40. There were fifteen girls there. We talked about our relationship with Jesus and finding our identity in Christ. As we talked and discussed, it was evident to me that girls everywhere really are the same- we all desire to feel beautiful and to be loved.
Beauty, I’ve learned, is cultural. What we think is pretty in the U.S. isn’t pretty in Haiti and what’s pretty in Haiti isn’t necessarily pretty in the States. For example. When I first came here, some girls wanted to braid my hair. I let them and when we were done, I had 12 random braids plastered to my head coming out from all directions. Then they told me how pretty I looked; I wasn’t sure I agreed. Last week, we were walking through town and saw a woman wearing a red blouse with a white lacy bra over the top. Christi and I looked at each other and smiled. We decided either the bra was a little too big and fit better when worn over the top of her shirt or she thought the lace added a pretty new dimension to fancy her shirt up a bit. The other day I decided to braid my own hair into pigtails. I made them loose braids and it kind of had that “messy” but cute look to it. But here, the girls didn’t find the loose, “messy” look so attractive. They thought it should be plastered to my head.
Nonetheless, all girls desire to feel beautiful and to be told their beautiful. And when we feel beautiful, we hope we’ll be loved. I asked the girls what they do to make themselves feel beautiful. The girls answered, “We shower and put on clean clothes; we do our hair and put gloss on our lips; we wear shoes that match our dress; we wear bracelets and earrings, and then when we walk in town, we hope that people, especially the boys, will notice and say, ‘You look beautiful!’.” As I listened, I couldn’t help but smile, because if I asked a group of girls that in the U.S., I know they would have the same answers.
I shared with them a favorite scripture, 1 Peter 3:3-4, that talks about true beauty. True beauty doesn’t come from outward adornment- braided hair, wearing gold jewelry, or fine clothes, but true beauty comes from the inner self; it’s the unfading beauty of a gentle and quite spirit, and this beauty is of great worth to God. I emphasized with the girls that it’s okay to do things to help us to feel pretty- God clearly gave all of us that desire, and so it must be okay, but those aren’t the things God cares about. He wants our hearts to be beautiful and to be filled with the same love for others that He has shown to us. And only His love is perfect and fills the desire we have to be loved. The girls sat there and listened intently.
We prayed and then fellowshipped with one another. I shared with them a cake that Lakey and I made that used granadia juice that I squeezed…I’m getting better with granadia. They are such girls. Since it was now “fellowship time” they began talking away like girls and giggling and screaming at random things. They wanted to sing a song so we did, and then we played a name game and they put me on the spot to name all the girls there. I was pretty proud of myself for learning most of their names. It was time to end our time together, but we planned to meet next Thursday at 4:00 again. Pastor Luc was there and said there was another church program at that same time, so I told him we’d find a new time because I didn’t want to pull the girls away from anything else, and he said, “No. This is a really good, and the girls need to hear this. They should come here.”
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts with these beautiful girls; I’m excited to continue to share with them.
Beauty, I’ve learned, is cultural. What we think is pretty in the U.S. isn’t pretty in Haiti and what’s pretty in Haiti isn’t necessarily pretty in the States. For example. When I first came here, some girls wanted to braid my hair. I let them and when we were done, I had 12 random braids plastered to my head coming out from all directions. Then they told me how pretty I looked; I wasn’t sure I agreed. Last week, we were walking through town and saw a woman wearing a red blouse with a white lacy bra over the top. Christi and I looked at each other and smiled. We decided either the bra was a little too big and fit better when worn over the top of her shirt or she thought the lace added a pretty new dimension to fancy her shirt up a bit. The other day I decided to braid my own hair into pigtails. I made them loose braids and it kind of had that “messy” but cute look to it. But here, the girls didn’t find the loose, “messy” look so attractive. They thought it should be plastered to my head.
Nonetheless, all girls desire to feel beautiful and to be told their beautiful. And when we feel beautiful, we hope we’ll be loved. I asked the girls what they do to make themselves feel beautiful. The girls answered, “We shower and put on clean clothes; we do our hair and put gloss on our lips; we wear shoes that match our dress; we wear bracelets and earrings, and then when we walk in town, we hope that people, especially the boys, will notice and say, ‘You look beautiful!’.” As I listened, I couldn’t help but smile, because if I asked a group of girls that in the U.S., I know they would have the same answers.
I shared with them a favorite scripture, 1 Peter 3:3-4, that talks about true beauty. True beauty doesn’t come from outward adornment- braided hair, wearing gold jewelry, or fine clothes, but true beauty comes from the inner self; it’s the unfading beauty of a gentle and quite spirit, and this beauty is of great worth to God. I emphasized with the girls that it’s okay to do things to help us to feel pretty- God clearly gave all of us that desire, and so it must be okay, but those aren’t the things God cares about. He wants our hearts to be beautiful and to be filled with the same love for others that He has shown to us. And only His love is perfect and fills the desire we have to be loved. The girls sat there and listened intently.
We prayed and then fellowshipped with one another. I shared with them a cake that Lakey and I made that used granadia juice that I squeezed…I’m getting better with granadia. They are such girls. Since it was now “fellowship time” they began talking away like girls and giggling and screaming at random things. They wanted to sing a song so we did, and then we played a name game and they put me on the spot to name all the girls there. I was pretty proud of myself for learning most of their names. It was time to end our time together, but we planned to meet next Thursday at 4:00 again. Pastor Luc was there and said there was another church program at that same time, so I told him we’d find a new time because I didn’t want to pull the girls away from anything else, and he said, “No. This is a really good, and the girls need to hear this. They should come here.”
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts with these beautiful girls; I’m excited to continue to share with them.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Have less, Need God more, See God more
There’s a common observation I’ve made amongst team members that come to Haiti (including myself). Many of them say that they enjoy coming to Haiti to get away from the distractions at home; when they’re here, they can see God so much more. One girl from this past team described it as a “spiritual detox” for her every year- to re-examine herself, see what needs to go, get rid of it, and see God more clearly. I have to agree that I see God more clearly here too. But why is that? We serve the same God whether here or in the States, so why do our circumstances or location affect how clearly we see God? This was the conclusion I came to yesterday: There is so much less here that we can’t depend on our resources or conveniences to get us through; all we’re left with is God, and when we realize we need God more, we see God more. Let me give you some examples from my perspective (keeping in mind my resources here in Haiti and what I have is far greater than the Haitians around me so how much more must they [Christians] be relying on God?):
- Things I first saw as junk here I’m now seeing as gold: plastic bags from the grocery store. At home, we save them until they take up half a closet and then pitch them because of the nuisance they’ve become. I have had to keep my eyes open for plastic bags this summer because I didn’t bring anything to carry my things around. And yesterday, we needed to tie shoes together so pairs wouldn’t get separated in the shoe pantry; solution: tear plastic bags, that we had just designated as “trash” because they had holes in them, into strips to use as ties.
- Large pill bottles become water bottles.
- Paper doesn’t enter the trash until both sides of it are completely full; where else where you write notes? I came across a notepad for Christi the other day- she was so excited!
- Junky boxes when unfolded become a mattress to lie on or a corner of it becomes a fan for church.
- Empty plastic juice bottles become Tupperware and empty tin cans can be used as containers or recycled to make graters, musical instruments, or who knows what else.
- One minute I see a dirty pen cap on the ground; the next minute, I see a brand new whistle for a little boy as he blows through one end of it.
A tote bag, a water bottle, sticky notes, a simple place to sleep, storage containers (for all of our STUFF), toys…These are all so commonplace, things we have in abundance, or things that seem essential. We don’t think twice about them. When we need a plastic bag, we go get one from the closet. When out water bottle gets a little worn, we go buy a new one. When we can’t find the matching Tupperware lid after 2 minutes, we get frustrated and go buy a new stack of Gladware. When our toys stop working, we trash it and then go buy the newest latest and greatest. We do all of this without thinking, without hesitation.
Here, it’s different. When you find a piece of paper with a blank back side- keep it; you’re going to need it soon; thank you, Jesus! An old piece of paper or a small piece of cardboard becomes a fan! Praise the Lord! So simple, but so beneficial! I can’t begin to count the number of times I have needed something so small, something that at home, it would be nothing to go get it or buy it, but here, when I spot it or something that could work for what I need, it becomes a treasure- thank you Jesus! I know this is a gift from You!
When you have less, you begin to understand Jesus more. “The Rich Young Man” (Mk. 10:17-31) turned away sad when Jesus told him that in order to inherit eternal life, he should sell everything he had so he could follow Jesus. The rich man walked away sad realizing all he would have to give up. “The Widow’s Offering” (Mk. 12:41-44) was worth more than what the rich men gave. She had almost nothing but gave everything she had. She gave without thought, without contemplation, without hesitation. It was instinct; it was natural; it was right. How do we become like that? We live with less because then we need God more. When we need God more, we see God more. When we see God more, we understand God more. When we understand God more, we know God more. When we know God more, we need God more.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Change of plans
Tomorrow is July 28th. I should be waking up in 4 hours to get on a bus to head for the airport and fly back to my home country to see friends and family. Instead, I’ll be waking up to see the team off and go back to bed because I’m going to stay in Haiti for another month! All of this happened last Friday over a series of many emails and prayers.
Keith and Christi had joked about me leaving with all the work left to be done, but I knew there was an element of seriousness to it in that if I was here, I could definitely be used. After talking with them a little more seriously, I decided to email Gretchen to say that if I would be of use and benefit to stay, then I would be more than happy to do so but not because I wanted to, but only if Lifeline needed or could use me here. I was happy to stay or happy to go home. I got an email back from Gretchen saying that she had wanted to ask me to stay but didn’t because if I couldn’t, she didn’t want me to feel guilty about going home. (I love seeing God in every little detail of life). I then emailed the three most important people in my life- Dad, Mom, and my brother Josh- to get their thoughts and make sure if I stayed I wouldn’t be missing anything at home. I was so overwhelmed by their response and with how incredibly blessed I am to have them as my family. Mom and Dad said that the selfish side of them wanted me to come home so they could see me, but they knew that if I was going to stay, God’s timing in all of this was perfect and if God was opening this door, they would gladly support my staying with their blessing. Josh emailed me and in a sentence said, “You know I’m a logical guy, so it’s pretty obvious what you should do; see you in a month!” Mom, Dad, Josh- I love you guys more than you know; there are no words to express my love and thanks to God for the gift He gave me with you.
However, my Haitian friends have been clarifying with me for the past couple of weeks that I was leaving on July 28th. Thus, I began receiving many hugs, gifts, and goodbyes last week. It has been a blessing to tell my dear friends that I am staying for one more month and to hear their shouts of joy and receive their huge hugs. I got called up front in church on Sunday to give my farewell address and to sing a song. I thanked them for the blessing they have been this summer and then gave them the news. Wow, the shouts of joy! But all rejoicing and glory must be given back to God, for that is where ALL glory is due. My favorite response came today though. I hadn’t seen my sponsored girl Mykenlove for about a week. She hadn’t heard the news yet. When I asked her if she knew when I was leaving, she said, “Tomorrow.” When I told her, I received the biggest hug and smile; similar to the first time she saw me the beginning of the summer. I love her with all my heart.
Thank you ALL for all of your prayers, support, and encouragement. I will see you August 25th.
Keith and Christi had joked about me leaving with all the work left to be done, but I knew there was an element of seriousness to it in that if I was here, I could definitely be used. After talking with them a little more seriously, I decided to email Gretchen to say that if I would be of use and benefit to stay, then I would be more than happy to do so but not because I wanted to, but only if Lifeline needed or could use me here. I was happy to stay or happy to go home. I got an email back from Gretchen saying that she had wanted to ask me to stay but didn’t because if I couldn’t, she didn’t want me to feel guilty about going home. (I love seeing God in every little detail of life). I then emailed the three most important people in my life- Dad, Mom, and my brother Josh- to get their thoughts and make sure if I stayed I wouldn’t be missing anything at home. I was so overwhelmed by their response and with how incredibly blessed I am to have them as my family. Mom and Dad said that the selfish side of them wanted me to come home so they could see me, but they knew that if I was going to stay, God’s timing in all of this was perfect and if God was opening this door, they would gladly support my staying with their blessing. Josh emailed me and in a sentence said, “You know I’m a logical guy, so it’s pretty obvious what you should do; see you in a month!” Mom, Dad, Josh- I love you guys more than you know; there are no words to express my love and thanks to God for the gift He gave me with you.
However, my Haitian friends have been clarifying with me for the past couple of weeks that I was leaving on July 28th. Thus, I began receiving many hugs, gifts, and goodbyes last week. It has been a blessing to tell my dear friends that I am staying for one more month and to hear their shouts of joy and receive their huge hugs. I got called up front in church on Sunday to give my farewell address and to sing a song. I thanked them for the blessing they have been this summer and then gave them the news. Wow, the shouts of joy! But all rejoicing and glory must be given back to God, for that is where ALL glory is due. My favorite response came today though. I hadn’t seen my sponsored girl Mykenlove for about a week. She hadn’t heard the news yet. When I asked her if she knew when I was leaving, she said, “Tomorrow.” When I told her, I received the biggest hug and smile; similar to the first time she saw me the beginning of the summer. I love her with all my heart.
Thank you ALL for all of your prayers, support, and encouragement. I will see you August 25th.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Two passions meet
Obviously I have a passion for Haiti. But I have another passion that fewer people know about. It’s encouraging and loving on girls/young women and helping them to see that their identity cannot be found in materialistic things, boys, success, status, or anything else, but that their identity can only be found in Christ. And when that identity is realized, their beauty is revealed. Yesterday afternoon, God brought my two passions together.
For the most part, my closest friends in Haiti are guys because there are a lot of young men that work for Lifeline but few females and none that are my age. Because I work with these men a lot, I’ve gotten to know them the most and have become good friends with them. However, this summer, I have gotten to know more girls, most of them in their late teens, but it has been such a blessing to develop some girl friends this time! Yesterday I was sitting outside reading, and I saw young woman, Jordanie, walking my way. I’d talked with her a few times but didn’t really know her other than she’s the girl that everyone knows as the singer because she has a beautiful voice. She sat down and we began talking. (It amazes me how God opens my ears and mouth to understand enough Creole at times when I can’t rely on anyone else.) She was telling me about her family and said that her father isn’t around. I asked if he died, and she said no. He is crazy in the head and abandoned her and her mother when she was very young. “I’m going to cry,” she told me and continued as her eyes welled up with tears. He is not a part of her life and does not love her. She also told me that she doesn’t have girl friends here in Haiti because girls here aren’t always too nice. The friends she has are guys because they encourage her to sing for the Lord.
My heart broke for her, and as I saw her eyes well with tears, mine started to do the same. The hurts in her life are not specific to Haiti. Her longing to have friendship and be loved is the desire of every girl and woman. Every female on this planet wants to know that she is loved and that someone will be there to fight for her, and I think the most important initial source of that love that a girl can know, is the love from her earthy father. When girls don’t experience that, it has lasting effects on their life and relationships down the road. I wrapped my arms around my nineteen year old friend and was thankful for the words God gave me in Creole: “I want you to know that even when you don’t have the love from your father here in Haiti or on this earth; when girls are not nice, and you don’t have any friends; you have a Father in heaven who will always love you and always be there for you. He will never abandon you, and you are His daughter. I know you already know that, but never forget that.” Her eyes glistened over with tears again as I spoke. Oh how my heart broke for her while simultaneously overflowed with love for Jordanie.
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2: 9) Jordanie, you are the daughter to the King. You are His princess, and He lavishes His love on you.
For the most part, my closest friends in Haiti are guys because there are a lot of young men that work for Lifeline but few females and none that are my age. Because I work with these men a lot, I’ve gotten to know them the most and have become good friends with them. However, this summer, I have gotten to know more girls, most of them in their late teens, but it has been such a blessing to develop some girl friends this time! Yesterday I was sitting outside reading, and I saw young woman, Jordanie, walking my way. I’d talked with her a few times but didn’t really know her other than she’s the girl that everyone knows as the singer because she has a beautiful voice. She sat down and we began talking. (It amazes me how God opens my ears and mouth to understand enough Creole at times when I can’t rely on anyone else.) She was telling me about her family and said that her father isn’t around. I asked if he died, and she said no. He is crazy in the head and abandoned her and her mother when she was very young. “I’m going to cry,” she told me and continued as her eyes welled up with tears. He is not a part of her life and does not love her. She also told me that she doesn’t have girl friends here in Haiti because girls here aren’t always too nice. The friends she has are guys because they encourage her to sing for the Lord.
My heart broke for her, and as I saw her eyes well with tears, mine started to do the same. The hurts in her life are not specific to Haiti. Her longing to have friendship and be loved is the desire of every girl and woman. Every female on this planet wants to know that she is loved and that someone will be there to fight for her, and I think the most important initial source of that love that a girl can know, is the love from her earthy father. When girls don’t experience that, it has lasting effects on their life and relationships down the road. I wrapped my arms around my nineteen year old friend and was thankful for the words God gave me in Creole: “I want you to know that even when you don’t have the love from your father here in Haiti or on this earth; when girls are not nice, and you don’t have any friends; you have a Father in heaven who will always love you and always be there for you. He will never abandon you, and you are His daughter. I know you already know that, but never forget that.” Her eyes glistened over with tears again as I spoke. Oh how my heart broke for her while simultaneously overflowed with love for Jordanie.
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2: 9) Jordanie, you are the daughter to the King. You are His princess, and He lavishes His love on you.
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